I have a very dear friend with whom I spend untold numbers of hours on the phone solving the world’s problems;
neither one of us is that smart on our own, but put us together and we have the combined IQ of one healthy,
somewhat intelligent, adult. We live 70 miles apart and haven’t laid eyes on each other in 3 years. That doesn’t
stop us from talking on the phone at least an hour every day.
We have systematically addressed such monumental issues as the AIDS epidemic, health care, and stem cell
research, and come to conclusions that we would have no qualms about foisting on the human race for the benefit
of their/our own good, if we had the power to do so.
Sometimes, however, we get stuck on seemingly unimportant details and make a foray into intensive debate (some
might call it bickering) and never quite reach the pinnacle of deep thinking that we both know we’re capable of.
“Well, you know, I told him that he needed to keep his nose outta my business, and he got mad and I haven’t
talked to him since, but well, that’s water over the dam, now,” says Elaine.
“Huh?” I say.
“Huh, what?”
“Don’t you mean water under the bridge?”
“Well, hell, I don’t know, do I?”
“Well, yes!”
I waited, holding my breath to see if she would take issue with my correction. She did.
“What’s the difference?”
“Water under the bridge, means, too late, done passed by, can’t change it now, but it doesn’t have the foreboding
underlying significance that water over the dam would. I mean, water over the dam might indicate a terrible flood,
where people lose their homes and stuff. That’s huge. Water under the bridge is not scary, it’s a normal course of
events,” I said, and waited … sometimes it’s just important to win, no matter what the game is.
“I didn’t say how MUCH water over the dam.”
“You must be joking … any water over the dam can’t be a good thing. Dams are pretty damn high, if water goes
over them, it’s gonna be a mess.”
“Well, my relationship with him IS a mess.”
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“Then, what IS the point?”
“The point is, you need to get your euphemisms straight.”
“You mean analogies,” she corrected. "An analogy is a comparison drawn between two subjects that indicates a
similar outcome ...
“Don’t try to change the subject.”
Pregnant pause. “What was the subject?”
“I don’t know I done lost track. Something about people minding your business instead of their own. You know that’
s the problem with the world today. Too many people try to get in others’ business and tell them how to live their
lives.”
“You mean like telling them what analogy they should be using?” she challenged.
“Was that a dig?”
Giggling from the other end.
“I thought we were going to discuss world hunger,” she reminded me.
“Well, I have other things to do, now, and we wasted our time arguing over correct speech and the proper use of
word relationships, and there’s no going back. Time is fleeting, and we squandered it.”
“So … that would be water under the bridge, right?”
“Elaine! We had a chance to save the world, and we blew it. That’s huge.”
"Water over the dam ..."
"Right."
Is it too much to ask for someone to get their euphemisms straight?
neither one of us is that smart on our own, but put us together and we have the combined IQ of one healthy,
somewhat intelligent, adult. We live 70 miles apart and haven’t laid eyes on each other in 3 years. That doesn’t
stop us from talking on the phone at least an hour every day.
We have systematically addressed such monumental issues as the AIDS epidemic, health care, and stem cell
research, and come to conclusions that we would have no qualms about foisting on the human race for the benefit
of their/our own good, if we had the power to do so.
Sometimes, however, we get stuck on seemingly unimportant details and make a foray into intensive debate (some
might call it bickering) and never quite reach the pinnacle of deep thinking that we both know we’re capable of.
“Well, you know, I told him that he needed to keep his nose outta my business, and he got mad and I haven’t
talked to him since, but well, that’s water over the dam, now,” says Elaine.
“Huh?” I say.
“Huh, what?”
“Don’t you mean water under the bridge?”
“Well, hell, I don’t know, do I?”
“Well, yes!”
I waited, holding my breath to see if she would take issue with my correction. She did.
“What’s the difference?”
“Water under the bridge, means, too late, done passed by, can’t change it now, but it doesn’t have the foreboding
underlying significance that water over the dam would. I mean, water over the dam might indicate a terrible flood,
where people lose their homes and stuff. That’s huge. Water under the bridge is not scary, it’s a normal course of
events,” I said, and waited … sometimes it’s just important to win, no matter what the game is.
“I didn’t say how MUCH water over the dam.”
“You must be joking … any water over the dam can’t be a good thing. Dams are pretty damn high, if water goes
over them, it’s gonna be a mess.”
“Well, my relationship with him IS a mess.”
“That’s not the point,” I said.
“Then, what IS the point?”
“The point is, you need to get your euphemisms straight.”
“You mean analogies,” she corrected. "An analogy is a comparison drawn between two subjects that indicates a
similar outcome ...
“Don’t try to change the subject.”
Pregnant pause. “What was the subject?”
“I don’t know I done lost track. Something about people minding your business instead of their own. You know that’
s the problem with the world today. Too many people try to get in others’ business and tell them how to live their
lives.”
“You mean like telling them what analogy they should be using?” she challenged.
“Was that a dig?”
Giggling from the other end.
“I thought we were going to discuss world hunger,” she reminded me.
“Well, I have other things to do, now, and we wasted our time arguing over correct speech and the proper use of
word relationships, and there’s no going back. Time is fleeting, and we squandered it.”
“So … that would be water under the bridge, right?”
“Elaine! We had a chance to save the world, and we blew it. That’s huge.”
"Water over the dam ..."
"Right."
Is it too much to ask for someone to get their euphemisms straight?
Conversations with Elaine Copyright C.J. Mouser 2008
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