 | |  | |  | |  | |  |
Baseball, Hot dogs and Apple Pie ...
The audience roared with laughter and applause at this unexpected Abbott and Costello type play, and the
players, both teams, laughed and slapped each other on the back, impressed with their own ability to provide
such quality entertainment.
The audience roared with laughter and applause at this unexpected Abbott and Costello type play, and the
players, both teams, laughed and slapped each other on the back, impressed with their own ability to provide
such quality entertainment.
| Marfa Lights... What is significant about these lights is that they have been appearing for over a century. Back before there were headlights or lights from passing aircraft. Back in the 1800s, cowboys and pioneers first noticed the lights and spent many a sleepless night thinking they were the lights from Apache campfires. |
Imagination ...
I was watching my neighbor's grandson playing in her front yard the other day. Apparently there's a hard fast
rule about not bringing electronics to Grandma's house, and thank goodness for that, because I had a great
time watching this kid try to entertain himself while completely bereft of anything requiring batteries.
I was watching my neighbor's grandson playing in her front yard the other day. Apparently there's a hard fast
rule about not bringing electronics to Grandma's house, and thank goodness for that, because I had a great
time watching this kid try to entertain himself while completely bereft of anything requiring batteries.
| Daddy's Picasso ... Naturally when I found the frame with the cracked glass lying in a puddle of water in the living room floor after Hurricane Charley passed through, I was devastated. The photo was unrecognizable. It was an old photo anyway; fragile. The water had caused the colors to run, the lines of contrast had blurred -- the truck became just a large block of sienna and ran together with the blue of Daddy's shirt and the sky in the background. What I was looking at was not a favorite photo, but more an abstract painting by Pablo Picasso. |
In a Pinch ...
Daddy just sat there, one cheek bulging with pancake and his eyes twin points of gray steel. Even as I stood
there, shivering with indignation and terrified of my own tremulous and temporary power, I knew what I had
done wrong, but I also knew that it was a knee-jerk reaction and an innocent enough mistake and I wanted to
send a message that sometimes things, no matter how embarrassing, should and could be let go.
Daddy just sat there, one cheek bulging with pancake and his eyes twin points of gray steel. Even as I stood
there, shivering with indignation and terrified of my own tremulous and temporary power, I knew what I had
done wrong, but I also knew that it was a knee-jerk reaction and an innocent enough mistake and I wanted to
send a message that sometimes things, no matter how embarrassing, should and could be let go.
| Hurricane Education ... After having lived through the 2004 Florida tropical weather season, I have become a pro at deciphering weather lingo. I now understand the significance of potential steering mechanisms, wind sheer, high pressure ridges, low pressure troughs, maximum sustained winds as opposed to gusts, millibars, eye walls and projected paths. They say the best way to defeat an adversary is to learn about them. I have learned. I am now a bonafide, card-carrying, hurricane dad-gum specialist. Me and Steve Lyons, yep. I can hold my own in conversation with any meteorologist anywhere, and have unofficially dubbed myself Honorary Meteorologist, and I defy anyone, anywhere to challenge that title. |
The Voice ...
My oldest daughter is under the impression that in order to get her point across, she must raise her voice three
octaves and 150 decibels. When she reaches a certain level of frustration, this voice kicks in and dogs across
three counties respond with howls of pain. Not only is “the voice” loud, it’s delivered in a monotone that is
only rivaled by the sound of a circular saw running full out in a small, enclosed space.
My oldest daughter is under the impression that in order to get her point across, she must raise her voice three
octaves and 150 decibels. When she reaches a certain level of frustration, this voice kicks in and dogs across
three counties respond with howls of pain. Not only is “the voice” loud, it’s delivered in a monotone that is
only rivaled by the sound of a circular saw running full out in a small, enclosed space.
| I Dreamed of Florida ... For a long while, looking out my bedroom window was a waste of time, as my window treatment on that side of the house was tin foil taped inside the glass to knock out the afternoon sun. Before you go passing judgment, it was the deluxe, heavy-duty kind. Cheap I am not. But tin foil curtains are still not conducive to external viewing. You look out, you see a blurry vision of yourself looking back in. |
The Snake in the Kitchen ...
“Here!” She thrust the towel at me.
“What am I going to do with that? Give it a bath?”
“Catch it!"
“I caught it!”
“Well, don’t let it go!” Then she actually started to worry about my safety.
“But don’t let it bite you!”
Once again, I reacted to her words without thinking, by promptly letting go.
“Mom!” The disappointment on her face was a sight to behold. I had failed her on so many levels that I’m not
sure she even knew what they all were yet.
“Here!” She thrust the towel at me.
“What am I going to do with that? Give it a bath?”
“Catch it!"
“I caught it!”
“Well, don’t let it go!” Then she actually started to worry about my safety.
“But don’t let it bite you!”
Once again, I reacted to her words without thinking, by promptly letting go.
“Mom!” The disappointment on her face was a sight to behold. I had failed her on so many levels that I’m not
sure she even knew what they all were yet.
| Miss Scovey ... Now it was my turn to do some neck craning and hissing. Then with no regard to the fact that I was outside and it was broad daylight, I streaked (literally) across the yard, abandoning my t-shirt in my wake—and headed for the nearest shower. |
Rooster Psychology 101 ...
Common sense dictates that a hundred and (mumble, mumble) pounds far outweighs 10, and all it took was a
little short course in weight dynamics to drive this point home with Brewster.
Common sense dictates that a hundred and (mumble, mumble) pounds far outweighs 10, and all it took was a
little short course in weight dynamics to drive this point home with Brewster.
| Blue and Green Eggs ... One look at the little chicks and I was devastated. Their roof was still intact, but the rain had blown in from the sides and drenched them, then the cool wind had done its bit and the end result was that I had some motionless baby chicks on my hands. |
Chicken Suicide ...
She nodded at me and I could see that she accepted my explanation, and had acknowledged that she bore no
culpability in the Great Chicken Tragedy.
She nodded at me and I could see that she accepted my explanation, and had acknowledged that she bore no
culpability in the Great Chicken Tragedy.
| The Chase... "You gotta go to sleep at some point, boy," he said ominously. "don't ya know that? Aren't ya gonna answer me?" "But dad, you just told me not to say…" "Are … you … talkin'?!?" |
Baby and the Two Year Grudge...
Ever so slowly she came within a few feet of me, and then like a gift, she sidled up to me and put her head in
my lap. I was terrified I was going to do the wrong thing, so I didn't move for a few seconds and then
cautiously, I put my hand on the side of her face and rubbed her stubborn little cheek. She stood there for a
full thirty minutes while I petted and talked to her and in essence, we made up.
Ever so slowly she came within a few feet of me, and then like a gift, she sidled up to me and put her head in
my lap. I was terrified I was going to do the wrong thing, so I didn't move for a few seconds and then
cautiously, I put my hand on the side of her face and rubbed her stubborn little cheek. She stood there for a
full thirty minutes while I petted and talked to her and in essence, we made up.
| Hog Hunting with the Kids... "You're gonna walk four or five miles in the dark by yourself?" She asked incredulously. "I don't particularly relish the thought, but right now it sounds like a lot better idea than getting left out here in the dark. At least right now I have an idea how to get back." The boys, apparently having seen such scenarios before, put their heads together for the next plan of action while Jill stood and blinked at me in the darkness. "I can't let you walk back. I know you, it would be emotional suicide." |
The Journey ...
At that moment I was the most wretched creature on earth. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal. It was only
moments, but it seemed an eternity before the pig was finally still and I let out a low sigh of relief.
At that moment I was the most wretched creature on earth. It felt like the worst kind of betrayal. It was only
moments, but it seemed an eternity before the pig was finally still and I let out a low sigh of relief.
| Billy Bows Up ... He came down on his front feet and lunged, catching me on my right butt cheek. For once in I don't know how long, I did not fall down or get knocked down, but held my ground. I'll admit, the impact did bend me in the middle a little bit, but since I normally bend there anyway, I came through it with nothing more than a throbbing butt. |
Hole Hunting ...
"I can't go under the house." He said.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a fat man."
"I'm fat, too," I objected.
"Not as fat as me."
Any other time I would have taken that as a compliment. Now it just sounded like a death sentence, because
I knew I was going to have to crawl under the house with the spiders and the snakes.
"I can't go under the house." He said.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm a fat man."
"I'm fat, too," I objected.
"Not as fat as me."
Any other time I would have taken that as a compliment. Now it just sounded like a death sentence, because
I knew I was going to have to crawl under the house with the spiders and the snakes.
| Clash of the Boars ... I had just congratulated myself on managing to get through the whole afternoon clean; no dust, no mud. I took an early shower, put on a house dress, and was ready for bed. The last thing I wanted to do was walk all the way back to the boar pasture in the dark and deal with a "situation." I slipped on Fred's Georgia mud boots, he was in boxers, shirtless, and wearing a pair of hastily donned sneakers. I grabbed the spotlight, and Fred grabbed the hotshot. We were as prepared as we were prepared to get, until we saw what was up. |
Never Take a Duck to Bed ...
Well, the proverbial fecal matter hit the propulsion system, there was a bunch of yelling, a flood of tears,
and a great deal of finger pointing, and things were said that can never be taken back. I didn't have the heart
to punish anybody, they were too busy punishing themselves and each other.
Well, the proverbial fecal matter hit the propulsion system, there was a bunch of yelling, a flood of tears,
and a great deal of finger pointing, and things were said that can never be taken back. I didn't have the heart
to punish anybody, they were too busy punishing themselves and each other.
| Clementine ... Fred and I had just finished feeding, when Jake came walking up from the woods with his rifle. He glanced at us, and then headed to the house to put his gun away. "Wait a minute, son, don't go anywhere." Fred said. "Why? You need my help?" "No. I need your gun." Fred said abruptly. "I have to shoot Clementine." My head snapped up, and I pinned my eyes on Fred. It wasn't so much his answer that caught me off guard, as he had been threatening to do it for quite some time. It was the conviction behind the statement, that knocked the wind out of me. "Shoot Clemetine?” I asked. "Right now?” "Yes.” Fred replied, not meeting my eyes. “I can't put it off any longer.” |
Bad Things that Happen by Accident ...
Why I didn't hear the rhythmic thump from the electric fence box when I went back out is beyond me. The
sound carries, especially in the night, and sometimes you can even hear it inside the house. I guess I was so
intent on getting out there to do a new head count and check on Lily, I just wasn't paying attention. I
gingerly lifted the strand of barbed wire and ducked under it, simultaneously stepping over the goat fence
with my left leg. I was straddling the goat wire, holding the flashlight in one hand and the barbed wire in the
other, when the inside of my left leg touched the electric wire and the current hit me. For about ten seconds
I had no idea what was happening. All I knew is that I'd gone stiff all over, bitten my tongue, and my heart
felt like it had swelled to three times it's normal size and then just stopped
Why I didn't hear the rhythmic thump from the electric fence box when I went back out is beyond me. The
sound carries, especially in the night, and sometimes you can even hear it inside the house. I guess I was so
intent on getting out there to do a new head count and check on Lily, I just wasn't paying attention. I
gingerly lifted the strand of barbed wire and ducked under it, simultaneously stepping over the goat fence
with my left leg. I was straddling the goat wire, holding the flashlight in one hand and the barbed wire in the
other, when the inside of my left leg touched the electric wire and the current hit me. For about ten seconds
I had no idea what was happening. All I knew is that I'd gone stiff all over, bitten my tongue, and my heart
felt like it had swelled to three times it's normal size and then just stopped
| Last Light ... Fred and I looked at each other. Before we had a chance to react, there was a response bleat. Weak, trembly, infant-like. I had heard this type of goat conversation before. One of the young nannies had kidded and now she had misplaced the kid. By the sounds of things she and the baby were both fit to be tied. I struck out in the dark, tripping over whatever got in my way until I got to the back gate. I don't know what I hoped to accomplish stumbling around blindly, but at least I could make an appearance and let the little mama know that we were aware of her plight. |
Worth Every Minute
I poked around in the refrigerator looking for juice and found a Dr. Pepper. I can't drink anything with
caffeine in it after 6 p.m. or by 1 a.m. I'll still be staring at the ceiling wishing for sleep, but I was in need
and it was right there ... available.
“Dang,” I muttered, holding the frosty can in my hand, wanting it bad, but knowing the price I would pay.
“To heck with it,” I said, popping the top, “you only live once.”
“Way to walk on the wild side, Mom,” Jillian said, and snickered.
I poked around in the refrigerator looking for juice and found a Dr. Pepper. I can't drink anything with
caffeine in it after 6 p.m. or by 1 a.m. I'll still be staring at the ceiling wishing for sleep, but I was in need
and it was right there ... available.
“Dang,” I muttered, holding the frosty can in my hand, wanting it bad, but knowing the price I would pay.
“To heck with it,” I said, popping the top, “you only live once.”
“Way to walk on the wild side, Mom,” Jillian said, and snickered.
| Night Raid It ordinarily takes me a good 15 minutes after waking up to be able to make any semblance of sense, so I stared at the mess trying to come up with a logical reason for such a thing to happen. Since the air conditioning vent rarely puts out gale force winds, I immediately eliminated this possibility. I also couldn't imagine one of the girls rummaging through the trash and leaving such a mess, any more than I could imagine a burglar breaking in and expecting to find something of value in the kitchen trash can |
The Sparkle
“You haven't seen anything, watch this!” she replied enthusiastically. She was wearing a dark T-shirt and
using the tail, she dipped up a generous amount of water that was filled with what appeared to tiny
fireflies. I gasped aloud as I gazed at the twinkling lights against the dark fabric. It was as though she was
holding the night sky in the tail of her T-shirt.
“Look at them all,” I breathed, “it's like being only a few feet from heaven!”
“You haven't seen anything, watch this!” she replied enthusiastically. She was wearing a dark T-shirt and
using the tail, she dipped up a generous amount of water that was filled with what appeared to tiny
fireflies. I gasped aloud as I gazed at the twinkling lights against the dark fabric. It was as though she was
holding the night sky in the tail of her T-shirt.
“Look at them all,” I breathed, “it's like being only a few feet from heaven!”